Bill and the Spirit of Excessive-Winter-Timeness-And-Holidays
by Evil-Ekat
Summary: Slight ChipDip. Bill manages to anger the spirit of Excessive-Winter-Timeness-And-Holidays after his hat brings it to life. Needless to say, getting stuck in tree with Dipper was not something he anticipated. (Cross-posted on AO3)


**This is my first ChipDip short that is fit for reading by other human beings. Expect more as I continue to warm up my skills. No, do not worry, I'm still writing MaBill, don't freak out on me please, I just like the both of them! Only I have this bad habit of literally killing Dipper in every other one of my stories for some mysterious reason, so I had trouble figuring out how to write him.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gravity Falls.**

* * *

It was a particularly blustery winter morning in Gravity Falls. There was not single cloud in the sky that day, and boy was it _cold. _Bill was doing his best to not watch Gravity Falls at the current time, because the materialistic time of Christmas had come once more, and all those garish decorations made him sick to his triangular stomach. It was like if Mabel Pines' mind had suddenly come to life in the real world.

Not only that, people went around cutting down perfectly fine spruce trees from _his _forest, and there was nothing that he could do about it. The thought of all those pine trees going to waste when they could have been used to cause so much misery instead was sickening! The demon had given the loggers in the town nightmares all the weeks leading up to Christmas, just so that they would be too tired to go out and fell any trees.

All except for one monster of a man, Red's father by the looks of his hair, who refused to take "no" for an answer, as it was not "manly." Rediculous! If you were sleep-deprived, you should sleep. Apparently he had not gotten the memo. Bill was stalking him around the forest, trying to get into the man's thick skull so he could give him a piece of his mind. But he was so simple-minded that it was painful to remain in his thoughts for so long.

_"Must. Chop. Tree. Destroy all."_

_"Whoa, calm down there King Kong!"_

Manly Dan looked around in confusion, not knowing where the mysterious chipmunk voice was coming from. He swung around, and his beefy and accidentally let go of his axe. The dangerous projectile spun through the air towards Bill. He gave a yelp, and floated out of the way. But it sliced right through his vertice and hat! His hat fell off, and was taken up by gust of wind. Bill tried to follow after it before it got too far, but the triangle himself was suddenly tossed and turned on the wind as he tried to face it.

Bill was helplessly sent tumbling around by the winter gale like a mere kite! Now that was just humiliating. He came to rest in the snow, landing front side down. The demon gave a muffled snarl of anger, trying to push himself off of the ground. Why was it that winter always did stuff like this to him?! Seeing no other option on how to stand up and face the wind again, the demon snapped his fingers, using his approved human body. Now less 2D than before, he had no trouble getting up and out of the snow. Only to collapse back in it face first as he stumbled around. He tried a few more times, and eventually managed to do so.

The tenth time was the charm, and he stretched an smiled as all his bones and blood gave disturbing cracks. Bill didn't want to deal with depth perception, it was a complete waste of time. So the new man closed one of his eyes and worked on stuff from there. He only crashed into a tree he thought was farther away than it really was twice, and then the new man was able to figure where he needed to go. The demon followed the direction of the wind, knowing that his hat would be headed in that direction.

"Hat! Where are you hat?" The demon asked himself.

He wandered aimlessly through the trees for a while. Then, he came to a clearing, where two figures, pink and blue were standing. Pink was building snowman, while blue was inspecting the roots of a maple tree, poking at it with something, and occasionally writing down a note or two in a spiral note book. He would then move on to the next tree, wanting to know something or the other about them. A familiar voice broke through the silence, as the ever-boisterous Mabel Pines said to her brother;

"There! I'm done my snow man. Can we _please _go home now?"

Dipper stood up, straightening his back as he did so.

"I'm not done figuring out who's been marking all these trees with eyes Mabel!" Dipper insisted. "What if it's the Blind Eye reforming, or a new secret society?"

"You said that if I built a snow man you'd be done by then!" Mabel pouted.

Dipper sighed, running a hand through his hair. He glanced over at Mabel's very large snowman that had taken her an hour and half to roll up. Especially difficult, as it was not packing snow. And he had promised his sister they would not spend all day out in the woods. But the trees...

"There's no hat." He slyly pointed out.

"Hat?!" Mabel whined. "Where am I supposed to get-"

"MY HAT!" The demon shouted, as his hat suddenly came flying by on the breeze, landing perfectly on the snow man.

Both Dipper and Mabel turned to face the familiar voice, as none other than Bill appeared, chasing after his precious hat. Dipper groaned, shaking his head, and Mabel rolled her eyes.

"This is probably just some convoluted way to make a deal or something." Dipper said.

"I don't know what convoluted means, but this definitely is." Mabel agreed, watching as the demon ran over to her snowman.

"There you are! I promise to never loose you again-"

"Happy birthday!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Bill screamed, leaping backwards as the snowman wearing his hat suddenly moved! The snowman was living! That was wrong! The demon gave another scream as it started to move. The magic of winter holidays had finally decided to grow powerful enough to manifest itself into this horrible, living, thing!

Dipper and Mabel shared an excited look and ran up to the living snowman, ready to document a new supernatural creature. Especially one that Bill was afraid of.

"Hey there!" Mabel eagerly greeted. "I'm Mabel, in this is my brother Dipper!"

"Why hello there child!" The snowman eagerly greeted in it's creepy voice.

"So what are you?" Dipper wondered.

The snowman gave a deep laugh.

"Why I am the spirit of Excessive-Winter-Timeness-And-Holidays! It is my job to control everything about winter!"

Bill's eyes (At least the one he was not closing so he would not have any depth perception.) Narrowed in suspicion at this claim.

"You're the guy who always makes winter around these parts hell for me!"

"So wait, what are you doing in a human body?" Dipper interrupted.

"It's this guy's fault, because of the stupid wind pushing me around like a kite!" Bill protested, glaring at the holiday spirit.

The spirit looked surprised by the open hostility he was being shown by the demon.

"Where is your holiday spirit?" It inquired.

"I don't have any because everything bad happens to me because of humans "winter spirit!" Do you know how few people get nightmares because of you?!"

"That is not very nice." The living snowman said in a low growl.

"Demons aren't exactly known for being, _nice." _Bill hissed. "Now give me back my hat!"

The demon made a move, trying to snatch back his top hat from the living snowman, but it moved surprisingly quickly for a pack of snow, and then snapped it's fingers. The wind started blowing stronger than before, and Bill was locked back in to his usual body again. The demon was tossed around again and again in circles. Both Dipper and Mabel found the demon's predicament rather amusing, as Bill was not normally one to be pushover. Things continued like this until the wind blew Bill into a tree. He ended up there, stuck.

Bill moaned, helplessly kicking his feet;

"I just wanted my hat back!"

The spirit of excessive Winter-Timeness-And-Holidays eyes seemed to glow red at this statement

"And give up my immortal snowman body?" It asked. "I do not think so."

"How am I supposed to live on without my hat?!"

"You will not live on." The spirit grinned. "You will be destroyed!'

Dipper and Mabel's eyes widened at the spirit started to attempt to jump at the demon, obviously with the intent of tearing him to pieces.

"Hey man." Dipper started. "That might be a little much."

Slowly, the terrifying snowman turned to face the young man. A twisted snarl spread across it's snowy face.

"You side with the demon... You must be destroyed!"

"Uh oh."

Bill was lucky to receive company, as Dipper screamed, and climbed up the tree he was stuck in at record speed, doing his best to avoid the crazy living snowman. Mabel ran off in the other direction, promising her brother that she would be back with some way to save him. That would probably be after she got changed, had hot chocolate, rested for a bit, and then watched a movie marathon. After all, that's what they originally intended to do that same afternoon. Oh well, at least the Mystery Shack was only a five minute run for your life away.

The snowman was frustrated with the fact that he could not reach either of his targets in the tree. He tried to blow them out of the tree with fierce winds, but they both tightly held on to the tree. He attempted to throw snow and icicles at the duo with the hopes of impaling them, but they were too high up in the tree. Thus, it settled for resting under the tree, waiting for them to come down to him. He refused to stop talking though, insisting on reminding them of their imminent destruction.

"-There must have been some magic in this old silk hat I found, for when it was placed upon my head-"

The demon groaned, not wanting to hear any of this.

"Pine Tree! How goes it?" The demon asked.

Dipper gave the demon a look, wondering if he was being serious.

"Well, you know, I'm just sitting in a tree until my sister comes back and rescues me from this holiday spirit. You?"

"I'm spending it hung out like a sock on a laundry line." Bill replied. "Ya' know, nothin' too interesting."

"Yeah."

"Yup..."

"-And I went down through the village with broomstick in my hand, that I would use to destroy anyone who came in my path! Like the fate that you two shall soon meet!"

They both looked down at the snowman, and just shook their heads.

"Crazy." Dipper muttered. "Just absolutely, totally crazy."

The wind started up once again, and the sky was clouded over. The snow started to fall in greater amounts, and was whipped around by the wind, turning the harmless white flakes into minuscule flying knifes. Dipper shivered, glad that he had splurged and gotten the Canadian-strength winter coat, that could easily handle -40°C. Who would have thought that it would actually be a good defensive tactic against a holiday spirit? Too bad that his investigation was being held up by it. But Dipper realized that the demon laying clotheslined next to him might know who or what had been placing all those little marks in the trees.

"Hey."

"Y-yeah?" The demon shivered.

"By chance do you know how all those marks were getting on the trees?"

The demon made a half-hearted attempt at a haughty laugh.

"Of c-c-cours-se I d-d-do! Nothing happens in Gravity F-Falls without me knowing!"

The duo was silent for a moment. Dipper absently kicked his feet, looking down at the evil snowman.

"So what was it?"

"W-why something y-y-your t-tiny h-hum-m-man brain can't comprehend!"

"It was you, wasn't it?"

"Yes." The demon quickly admitted. "I was k-keeping count of them to m-make sure none were chopped down."

"Awww." Dipper cooed. "You care about the forest?"

He turned a little bit pink in places at this.

"What? Of c-c-cours-se not! They're my trees, and I don't want them to be chopped down!"

"Because you _care _about them?" The young man teased.

"No, I just don't want some lame-brained lumberjack chopping down all these ancient trees for your human holidays! Why can't you humans just go buy those cheap plastic ones from the store that use an outrageous amount of synthetic die and other harmful chemicals, that use up fossil fuels that can not be replaced instead of chopping down my trees?"

"Bill Cipher, environmentalist advocate." Dipper mused to himself.

"If anyone is going to destroy this planet, it's going to be me!" Bill declared.

"Which means that you really _do _care. Even if it is in some twisted way so that you can kill all life on this planet for your twisted enjoyment or something."

"I h-heard that."

Dipper looked at Bill, wondering why the demon was stuttering so much. It was only then that he realized the demon was covered in at least an inch of snow. Not sure what would happen if he touched him the young man made sure to be very cautious as he picked the demon up, and wiped the snow off of him. Bill could not even protest, much too cold to do more than shiver. He had never felt cold before. It must have been that stupid magic snowman's fault. Outside elements never had an effect on him before!

"Are you cold?" Dipper asked, looking slightly amused.

"W-what? Of c-c-cours-se not!" He waved off. "Beings of pure energy don't feel the cold!"

"If you say so."

There was another one of those odd pauses in between their conversation. This was bit odd, as normally talking between them was very quick, as the demon tried to negotiate some kind of deal or the other for his evil plans. Now, it was just plain awkward as they weren't quite enemies at the moment, but they were not exactly allies either. Perhaps temporarily, as they tried to escape this magic living snowman, but there was no real reason to dictate civility. If he wanted, he could take the relatively helpless demon and throw him down to the spirit of Excessive-Winter-Timeness-And-Holidays, escaping while he was dealt with. Dipper was not so sure what that would do to him in the long run. Bill was never gone for very long after all. But perhaps if he helped him...

In the meantime, the demon had gone from being a blinding yellow, to a more tame shade, a light yellow, and finally what was close to white he was very clearly freezing himself, but refused to admit it, in denial about the whole thing. Shaking his head at the demon's stubbornness, the young man picked up the demon once more.

"Hey! Don't man-handle me!" The demon complained.

Dipper just made a point of continuing to hold the demon between his thumb and forefinger. Being held up against the wind caused the demon to flap around like a kite. He shivered and crossed his arms, indignant about the whole matter.

"Admit it, you're cold."

The young man received a rather angry death-glare.

"I'm. Not. Cold."

"You're completely white now, even your tie is."

"W-w-winter c-camoflage." Bill insisted.

"You even feel colder than the snow."

He was not given a dignified reply to this. Alright, so maybe he was a _little _bit cold, and he _had _been shivering quite a bit, but that didn't mean anything. Bill refused to admit weakness to some lesser being. Sure he liked how adventurous the kid had been, and still was now that he was older. And sure he could almost maybe possibly be considered adorable with his little hat and kitten sneezes. But that didn't mean he would state a weakness to his sometimes kind of nemesis, and given him the smug satisfaction of being right!

The voice of the snowman below echoed through the trees as he continued to talk about all of his great exploits and how no one would be able to stop him as he brought an eternal winter upon the people of Gravity Falls.

"I only paused a moment when I heard him holler stop! And then I stabbed the broom through him too because you can not stop the spirit of Excessive-Winter-Timeness-And-Holidays!"

"P-Pine T-T-Tree?"

"Yes?" Dipper sighed.

"I'm cold."

Dipper muttered something under his breath, half-tempted to tell the demon he told him so. The young man unzipped his jacket and pulled off his shirt. He proceeded to stuff the demon against his chest, and zip up his jacket once more.

"Hey!" Bill complained.

"Trust me. I'm enjoying this as much as you are."

Well, he was really warm. And even if it meant being kept in the dark of his jacket, pressed against his bare chest for warmth, it was better than freezing out there in the cold. It was odd to feel the young man's heart beat right against his own, heartless body. The demon liked the feeling, and found himself rather snug in his jacket. Dipper on the other hand shivered, as the demon really was very cold. It was like pressing a slab of ice against his skin and leaving it there. The cold got so bad that it was practically burning. But he decided it was probably best to just wait it out and see what would happen.

"You're really warm." His muffled voice said.

He could not stop himself from blushing as the demon snuggled even closer as he tried to keep warm. This was already close enough as it was without him doing his best to keep close.

"Where's Mabel?" The young man muttered under his breath.

"Hey there brother!" Mabel declared up to the tree. "Never fear, Mabel is here!"

The magic snowman turned to face Mabel, having heard here voice. He gave deep laugh, saying;

"How could you possibly defeat me?!"

The brunette gave a grin.

"I created you, and I can destroy you too!"

Mabel whipped out a hair dryer, and pointed it at her creation. It's eyes made out of coal grew wider in horror. Shielding it's face, it screamed;

"No!"

Why he didn't just move out of the way was anyone's guess, as Mabel slowly melted away the evil spirit of Excessive-Winter-Timeness-And-Holidays. Bit by bit, her creation was slowly destroyed until all that remained was Bill's top hat. Mabel gave grin, and spun around the blow dryer with her fingers before blowing on the top of it.

"Whew." Bill said, peeking out of Dipper's jacket, and unceremoniously poking Dipper in the chin with his top vertice. "Thank goodness that's over. Move downwards, so I can get my hat."

"Downwards is not a word." Dipper grumbled. "And adrenaline was what persuaded me to climb this tree."

Having a fair idea on what buttons to push, the demon said;

"Awww, you really are like a little kitten! And here I thought you only sneezed like one!"

Well that was enough to persuade Dipper to jump out of the tree, and land in one of the snow banks. Unfortunately for Dipper, he did not land on his feet, instead opting to do belly flop into the deep snow.

"You're crushing me!" Bill's panicked voice said.

The young man got to his feet with smirk, and let the demon out of his coat, just as Mabsl snapped a photo of the two.

"Scrapbookertounity!" The brunette cheerfully declared, waving the picture that developed in her hands.

"Hey!" Dipper said.

"Get rid of that!"

"No way! I had to get fifteen extension cables, and eight power bars just so I could bring my hair dryer out here! You two owe me!" A sudden diabolical grin spread across her face, and she began to sing a familiar tune, clearly planning on singing it to anyone who came within a foot of her. " Bill and Dipper, sittin' in a tree-"

"No." Dipper paled. "Please don't say the rest."

"K-I-S-S-"

"MABEL!"

"-I-N-G!"

"You can stop now." The demon blushed.

"-First comes love-"

"MABEL! Come on!"

* * *

_**Epilogue**_

As they walked back to the Mystery Shack, Bill remaining in Dipper's jacket, Mabel continued to sing her little song of humiliating torture.

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"She's really going to keep singing it." Bill said in horrified tone of voice.

"First comes love, then comes marriage-"

"It seems like it."

"-And then comes baby in the baby carriage!"

Mabel finish with an excited squeal, clapping her hands.

"Who wants to hear that again?!"

Both of them groaned.

"I'm not hearing a no!" The brunette grinned. "One. More. Time!"

"I hate winter."

_**Fin**_


End file.
